Funny Retirement Poems

Funny retirement poems can be used to lighten the mood of the retirement and cheer up your friends who are retiring in retirement parties or retirement cards.

Once you decide to write funny retirement poems, brainstorm funny things and memorable moments about the person receiving the poem before you start writing. And organize your thoughts and feelings in your poem.

If you want to write your own funny retirement poems, here are some examples for you to get some ideas when you write poems for retirement speeches and retirement wishes.

However, if you still have difficulty writing poems, you can get help from professional poem companies.

Over the hill but not yet old.
I’m still spunky, so I am told.
My life has been a bumpy ride.
But, my inner-child smiles inside.

As the winter of my life slowly nears.
It’s time for me to switch some gears.
But, while I’m waiting for that time.
I’m kicking and alive at sixty-five.


***


May you always have work
for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold
always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright
on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain
to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend
always be near you.
And may God fill your heart
with gladness to cheer you.

- Irish Retirement Blessing


***


You no longer have to punch a time clock
You can now do
what you want
when you want
anytime you want.


***


Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, "Because of the Seniors Discount."

I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries;
And there, once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.
He said, "For you, Seniors, the coffee is free."

Understand---I'm not old---I'm merely mature;
But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
And people speak softer---can't hear what they say.

My teeth are my own (I have the receipt.),
and my glasses identify people I meet.
Oh, I've slowed down a bit... not a lot, I am sure.
You see, I'm not old... I'm only mature.

The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.
You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.
Washing my hair has turned it all white,
But don't call it gray... saying "blond" is just right.

My car is all paid for... not a nickel is owed.
Yet a kid yells, "Old duffer... get off of the road!"
My car has no scratches... not even a dent.
Still I get all that guff from a punk who's "Hell bent."

My friends all get older... much faster than me.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.
I've got "character lines," not wrinkles... for sure,
But don't call me old... just call me mature.

The steps in the houses they're building today
Are so high that they take... your breath all away;
And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
That should explain why my walking is slow.

But I'm keeping up on what's hip and what's new,
And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.
I'm still in the running... in this I'm secure,
I'm not really old... I'm only mature.


***


Late to rise
Early to bed
Collect that pension
Before you're dead.


***


Retired is being twice tired, I've thought
First tired of working,
Then tired of not.

- Richard Armour


***


Never ask of money spent
Where the spender thinks it went.
Nobody was ever meant
To remember or invent
What he did with every cent.

- Robert Frost


***


Why do they call it retirement?
Are you going to bed?
Are just having a rest?
Receding into the distance?
Or will work truly stop?

Stop work? How silly.

Will your feet be forever in slippers?
Will you be glued to daytime TV,
Unable to shift from your chair?
Does your brain turn to jelly
The second you leave?

Stop work. I don't think so.

Now the work truly begins
Mountains to climb
Rivers to swim
Oceans to sail
Roads to follow

Dreams to turn to reality


***


Retirement is a time
For feeling glad to be alive,
A time when friendships blossom
And enthusiasms thrive.

A chance to do the special things
You always wished you could.
Retirement is a special time
For knowing...life is good.


***


Goodbye to work, you're on a high - it's the best day of your life!
You gladly hand the reins over - goodbye to toil and strife.
When morning comes, you lie in bed and you look up at the ceiling -
There's no-one here to harass you - I know just how you're feeling.

The sun shines through the window, you hear the clatter of some feet -
It's people who are off to work, you can hear them in the street.
Within you comes a warming glow - your new life just is starting.
There's cards from many work-friends who were sad at your departing.

But you must arise, get dressed and out - there's no time left to lose.
Make the most of it, the day is yours - just do exactly as you choose.
Just why should you feel guilty on the best day of your life?
"Because I said a cheerio to my poor, still working wife".